bradley headstone
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Posted: Feb 1st 2010
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We are all at the edge of seats, tuning in to news broadcasts, watching a leader of his country having his reputation examined in minute detail…
…no, not John Terry, Tony Blair. But I did happen to notice that good old JT, England stopper and captain, was quite prominent in those broadcasts.
It would appear that he’s been spending a deal of time and money in trying to prevent a tabloid revealing details of an alleged affair with a former colleague’s partner. My reaction to this kind of story is to look at the player and think, what is it about millionaire John Terry that drew miss x to his bed? Rugged charm do you think? Well it turns out it was archetypal ‘trigger’ Wayne Bridge’s ex involved. She wasn’t fussy!
Naturally whilst revealing the saucy secrets of titillating Terry, the paper will also be leading the moral crusade to have him removed as England captain. This leads us to wonder what kind of qualities we demand in a captain?
Obviously we’d rather he wasn’t knocking someone off behind his childhood sweetheart wife, who was probably at home polishing his Daddies sauce ‘Dad of the Year’ 2009 trophy. We’d probably not want someone whose idea of a night out is to get up on a pole dancing stage, drop his strides and wave little John about whilst merrily pissing! Let’s leave his alleged drug-pushing father and shoplifting mother out of this; let’s definitely leave the rumours involving his dear old Ma and various Carraghers during the last World Cup. As for any suggestions he was conducting private tours round Stamford Bridge, pocketing thousands in the process, well, we’ve all moved on, haven’t we?
Personally, my England Captain wouldn’t necessarily defend in the area with his eyes shut and his hands in the air, I’d prefer him to be able to mark world-class centre forwards like Helder Postiga and ideally I don’t want goals ruled out because he’s blocking like an NFL lineman. JT’s got a lot of questions to answer before it gets on to his home life.
In the end, we’ll end up agreeing that Terry ought to remain England captain, if only because the alternatives are untenable. Gerrard has a number of issues going on in his Merseyside mansion and anyway, you’d have to let him DJ…you wouldn’t like him if he wasn’t allowed to DJ. Ferdinand? Ooooh not really quite what’s required. What about Ashley Cole? Ok that is a silly suggestion.
We don’t know who the keeper will be, so it can’t be him. Rooney is a possibility though; he has curbed some of the loutishness. What about public schoolboy Frank Lampard. I’m sure the FA’s PR team could work with him, ah no, he’s already left his wife for someone or other.
So John Terry will lead us in South Africa, you never know, with all the lawyers he’ll be employing he’s going to need that win bonus!