city blog Rovers Return

Posted: January 23rd 2009
Click here to feedback

It’s de rigueur in Soapland to wash one’s dirty linen in public - usually down the pub, where onlookers can enjoy the sport. It’s known in the trade as an ‘idiot plot’ - the key being, an audience suspending its disbelief, because of the ‘pay off’. Two classic examples from the big screen would be: Van Helsing visiting Dracula’s castle, just as it’s getting dark: and international super criminals showing James Bond around their headquarters, accompanied by scantily clad women, rather than shooting him through the head immediately.

Enter Phil Brown, who, I would hazard a guess, does hold an FA coaching badge from Lilleshall, but never completed an MA in Scriptwriting at Salford University. Pity. He would have learned why idiot plots in soaps are so popular with storyliners / writers. The fallout is immense; injured pride, humiliation, desire for revenge, fracturing of previously tight family units etc etc.

So, having skinned the Tigers with four (and it should have been five) before half time, regulars at the City of Manchester Arms enjoyed a rollicking good sideshow. To their credit, Hull showed plenty of spirit after the break, sharing the post cup of tea spoils.

To Blackburn, and another Rover’s return. We were rank, out-fought, out-played, out-manoeuvred. 2v0 just about right, until Daniel Sturridge came on and mixed it a bit. A sweet volley, and a well picked pass at the death, which thankfully found Robinho. Had it been Darius Vassell, we would have witnessed a scene reminiscent of Corporal Jones stumbling across an entire panzer division.

To the New Year, and your’s truly still on manoeuvres north of the border. The Sheriff of Nottingham’s men arrived looking for Robinho-od. In his absence, we were Lincoln green, and ended up with Will Scarlet faces. Had enough? Thought so.

Those of you, who’ve participated in Football Aid, will know the score. You part with about 350 sovs, and for that you get to play on your own club’s hallowed turf. My first manager was Mike ‘The Buzz’ Summerbee, who got all nostalgic about the away team’s bath at Maine Road. It was the first time he’d been in there since his Swindon days in the 1960’s, and it hadn’t changed a bit. Second manager was Paul Power, as always moustachioed. He made me captain, on condition I tucked my shirt into my shorts (The Buzz never used to) The point being, us mortals have to part with our hard earned for the privilege, no lucrative 500k a week tempters required. This was just before we moved to Eastlands – we still had the Gene Kelly stand, and the thought of offering £100,000,000 for a player was pure fantasy. I’m still not sure if the number of noughts is correct.

The move for Kaka was a mistake, though nothing like the calamity signing Thierry Henry would be. The former doesn’t want to play for us (fair enough) the latter,  a true artist (on the Highbury turf) His heart will never be in it for us – and Frenchmen always play with their hearts.  I’ll end with a prediction – Craig Bellamy will prove a shrewd signing – a bit of Welsh grit away from home. Life on Mars? Let’s land on the (blue) moon first.