bradley headstone
|
Posted: March 28th 2008
Click here to feedback
Impending fatherhood has exposed my frail and tender mind to whole new worlds that have always existed but not as part of my existence. Fortunately, and I expect I’m not alone here; I have an internal defence mechanism that converts these alien experiences into data that I can compute. So when breast-feeding was introduced to the gathered couples at an antenatal class, my initial ‘bloke’ reaction was an internal ‘he’ll never eat all that!’
But then the ‘let down reflex’ was introduced…
…What is the let-down reflex?
When breast-feeding, your baby's sucking stimulates nerves in the mother’s nipple. These nerves carry a message to your brain, and a hormone, called oxytocin, is released. Oxytocin flows through the mother’s bloodstream to her breasts, where it causes tiny muscle cells around the milk glands to squeeze milk out of the glands and into the milk ducts. This is known as the let-down reflex or the milk ejection reflex.
I know, too much detail, but I can’t help myself…I’m a baby bore and it’s not even happened yet. So, what’s this got to do with football?
Well, my aforementioned defence mechanism kicked in and it occurred to me that the let-down reflex is prevalent in the common football fan. Let me explain.
When contemplating your team’s next fixture you stimulate the inherent pessimism lurking within all football fans. An uncomfortable feeling, something akin to mild wind builds as you realise that your team is playing the most dreaded of enemy… ‘a team they are supposed to beat’. Mild biliousness takes hold as the ageing midfielder who only your manager considers not only better than Sunday league but central to keeping his job is passed fit.
Come kick off you’ve given your ticket to the Postman and volunteered to go to Ikea. This is known as the football let-down reflex and is hereditary, passed down through the generations like baldness and ingrowing toenails.
Sometimes a woman's let-down reflex doesn't work as well as it should. This can cause breast-feeding problems. For example, you may have problems emptying milk from your breasts or your baby may not get enough milk.
This happens in football too…Manchester United fans for instance. Despite those long fallow years where the let-down reflex dogged their Saturday afternoons, they have built up an intolerance to the very notion to a point where even discussing the possibility induces a non-plussed arrogance. Chelsea fans feign a casual indifference to fate but it’s merely a mask - they know, like all of us know that their current space ride is a carefully engineered illusion and before we all know it Stamford Bridge, sorry ‘the Village’ will be falling down again.
As the various leagues start to approach the ‘business end’ (thanks to the hundreds of pundits who will repeat the phrase this and every Saturday afternoon) of the season, supporters are beginning to prepare for the post-Easter push. It’s earlier this year so the desperate calculating of points began in earnest at the end of March.
The let-down reflex is by now twitching frantically, fans up and down the leagues are frantically fearing the worst or worse, fearing the best…or worse still, the fear of the early season end, mid-table mediocrity…getting to 40, 50 points, whatever makes you ‘safe’.
It’s this constant ‘glass half empty-glass half full’ see-saw that makes Football what it is. It’s why even in an age of Wap technology and wireless connection, a smattering of sad faced obsessives will gather outside a Television shop window at 4.50 on a Saturday afternoon.
So, Headstone Junior won’t know it but the let-down reflex will be essential to his obsession and I think it’s essential to mine.