uRRRs blogThe Bored Meeting |
Posted: September 15th 2008
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Somewhere in West London
Date: September 15th
In attendance: Flavor Flav, Steelshmi Magnate, Small Old Bloke, William Wallace Junior the 43rd
Apologies: Whateverhappenedtothatagogbloke?
Minutes: Johnny Pleb
Flavor Flav: Yo Wallace, y’all gimme some shit on da cashflow, know what I’m sayin’?
William Wallace Junior the 43rd: Och Flav, it’s no lookin’ good man, I’d like te tell ye otherwise, but I just cannae
FF: Yo Steelshmi man, you hearin’ dis shit I’m hearin’ from the English motherf***er?! Yo motherf***er, what is this shit?
(WWJt43rd (sheepishly): I’m Scottish...)
Steelshmi Magnate: I deny meeting Tony Blair. And I deny it most vigorously!
FF: Yo half pint, you hearin’ dis shit I’m hearin’ from the English motherf***er?! Yo motherf***er, what is this shit?
(WWJt43rd (irksomely): I’m Scottish...)
Small Old Bloke: Zzzzzz....
FF: Listen you limey faggot motherf***in’ sonofabitch I ain’t spendin’ one more dead president on this dump man, ten thousand on lights man, what is this shit man, I’m busy cold lampin’ with Naomi and you lettin’ all these English motherf***ers bum rush the show, man
SM: I deny meeting Tony Blair. And I deny it most vigorously!
FF: Blair, man, he’s another English motherf***er like motherf***in’ Wallace...
WWJt43rd (standing / bellowing): I AM NO’ ENGLISH! I SAID, I AM NO’ ENGLISH!!! I AM SCOOOTTTISH, AND IT IS MY MISSION TO CARRY ON THE GOOD WORK OF MY LEGENDARY ANCESTORS! I SAY FLEECE THE ENGLISH BASTARDS FOR EVERY PENNY!!! FLEECE ‘EM I SAY!!! PUT THE PRICES UP! PUT THE PRICES UP AGAIN!! THAT’LL TEACH YE. YE SASSENACH SCUM!!! DERBY COUNTY? £50 A POP! STANLEY BOWLES, RODNEY MARSH, SIR LESLIE FERDINAND – CAN YOU HEAR ME? DON GIVENS, GEORGE GODDARD, CLIVE WILSON – CAN YOU HEAR ME? ROBERTS ELMS, MICK JONES...YOU FANS WILL TAKE ONE HELLUVA BEATING!!! MICHAEL NYMAN YE CAN SHOVE YER OSCAR UP YER SASSENACH BACKSIDE!
FF: Yeeeaaahhh boyeeee!!! I’m sick of all these motherf***ers from Sheep Herd Bush tellin’ me how to spend my motherf***in’ money man, it’s like I said in freekin’ Marketing Week man, I don’t want nobody telling me what I need to be doing. These motherf***ers think the club is owned by the motherf***in’ fans but it’s only a few that’s puttin’ their money down. These other motherf***ers, they spend £20.
Johnny Pleb: Er, Mr Flav sir, even the cheapest seat in the ground costs more than £20, and this proposal sees many of the seats priced at more than double that amount for second tier football. And Mr. Wallace sir, the seat prices were advertised to all customers in our pre-season literature, and it would seem to be highly unusual to alter them one month into the season
FF: Shut yo’ mouth Pleb. When I was sellin’ sweaters, I didn’t have no cockney motherf***er tellin’ me what shades of pastel to choose. Michael motherf***in’ Schumacher don’t tell me what to spend on his motherf***in’ steering wheel. Let’s vote man…short arse?
SOB: Zzzzz…
FF: Steelshmi?
SM: I deny meeting Tony Blair. And I deny it most vigorously!
FF: Motherf***in’ motion passed. Pleb, where’s my helicopter, motherf***er?