blades blog Oh my god, they killed Kenny!...

Posted: September 8th 2009
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Paddy Kenny will be drawing the cords on the hood of his orange parka still tighter as he prepares to disappear from the Blades team  . . . or from the Blades altogether. Whether he returns in future episodes appears to be up for debate but fans will be disappointed.

Much beating of chests, huffing and puffing – and that’s just Paddy himself – on forums and websites and the predictable taunts from Hammers demanding fellow clubs sue us over the end of season results. At times like this there’s just too much speculation, too much ill-informed tripe dressed up as analysis for my liking so I won’t add to it simply to enjoy the crack . . . sorry craic. But I’ll stick my two penneth in anyway.

Loveable, daft, roly-poly, Irish keeper Paddy failed a drug test after testing positive for the banned substance ephedrine. It was contained in his cough mixture, chest infection type medication – it doesn’t really matter – but it was an over-the-counter treatment. As we all now know the FA’s regulatory commission believed his defence of it not being taken deliberately to enhance performance. Nevertheless they’ve slapped him with a nine-month ban. I agree with the ruling and I agree with a ban although it seems to lack some consistency in terms of its length. Comparisons abound with Roman Bednar’s three-month FA ban for possessing cocaine and cannabis. It would easy to justify the disparity by saying that Paddy’s is a performance enhancing use (it does apparently increase concentration and is a stimulant) and Bednar’s recreational – except that the commission were quite happy to assure Paddy that they did NOT think he’d taken it as a performance enhancer (on the ‘balance of probabilities’, mind you) so why the hefty ban?

The obvious inference is they didn’t believe him. The merest hint, the merest suggestion is enough in the current climate as sport’s governing bodies impose zero tolerance and the need to be intelligent about anything you stick up your nose or rub on your chest, especially before a bigger than usual fixture. Sadly, Paddy’s history then comes to the fore. Whilst it won’t have been taken into account by the commission, Paddy’s last spat with the forces of darkness came when his bessie mate bit his eyebrow off outside a Halifax curry house after a disagreement. That kind of gives you a flavour of the lad’s extra currycula activities. So for Kevin Blackwell to play the “he’s a daft lad” card at this stage of the game is actually relevant in PK’s case but it’s irrelevant in terms of a defence with the commission. The other fact which sits up and begs to be noticed is that he took an ‘above the prescribed dosage’ of the over-the-counter drug making it more difficult to side with his defence. Similarly, when you consider the average IQ of the modern-day footballer, it stands to reason that if it was so easy to forget exactly what and how much you were taking, at least half a dozen of them would have regularly been caught out in the same way month-in, month-out. But they’re not.

So Paddy must sit the season out and it remains to be seen whether the club stick with him at the same time as they rid themselves of the high earners. Providing he’s squeaky clean over the intent, they should have no problem showing him the loyalty a long-serving player deserves.

A friend once told me that having a job is like holding your fist in a bucket of water. Whilst you’ve got your fist in the bucket you think the bucket really needs you and that you make a difference. But as soon as you leave that job, you take your hand out and the water fills the gap so that very soon there’s not even a trace that you were there at all. The fans are moving fast, partly to discuss his future, but mostly to plan the interim and the future of the gap between the sticks at Bramall Lane, post-Paddy.

Paddy should have known the inherent dangers in any sportsperson ingesting anything not approved by a club doctor. Whether he’s been plain daft or tried to pull a fast one, he broke the rules and deserves a punishment. The United board will now appeal and then it’s down to whether or not they offer him a second chance. But it would be an ignominious end to a distinguished career as his contract runs out a month after the finish of the ban.

His 14 clean sheets in 2007-08 earned him a Golden Glove award and he’s made almost 300 appearances since joining the club seven years ago. Even more so than managers these days, goalkeepers tend to represent eras of clubs’ histories. Paddy’s time has been a rip roaring chapter of thrills, excitement, great success, promotion, play-off finals and cup semi-finals – it would be a pity if it were over.