black cats blog TNL

Posted: August 12th 2008
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A second consecutive season in the top flight approaches – football’s equivalent of that difficult second album. But we’re going to be ok! Word is we have made signings to take us to The Next Level. Niall and Roy have reassured me in my SAFC newsletters that they are confident that we are going to be quite good in TNL because we have signed players to take us there. The sporting press seems to agree.

TNL is actually the modern name for “Not Cannon Fodder”. It is several layers beneath the gallery occupied by The Fab Four, who no doubt will turn many of us into grudging, envious couch potatoes on the forthcoming (and supremely choreographed) Super Soccer Sundays.

The players who have signed to take us to TNL believe we are “going places”. Indeed we are, in our shiny golden team coach, and we need to get points from these places this season. Our away record was shocking last season; only the travelling supporters of Derby County (The Level Below The Next Level / Cannon Fodder) had a more dismal time on the road.

I’m quite excited by our pre-season signings so far and keep pacing around the computer like an expectant father waiting for the announcement of twins; the safe arrival of a beautiful bouncing defender and an established forward would do nicely. I’d accept another midfielder. Just so long as he’s fit and healthy (no thank you Saha….). I’m a prisoner of the message board rumour, checking out suggested names for new additions; most of them are clearly phantom pregnancies.

As well as getting to grip with the tactical stuff, I’m also learning to spell and pronounce the names of our new players to avoid sounding like a part-timer-not-a-proper-fan on our first matchday. Carol Vorderman really left Countdown since she was hacked off that every permutation of vowel and consonant on the letters board could be rearranged to make the back of a Sunderland shirt. I’ve sussed Chimbonda , Diouf and Steeeeed but would have to ask  Giles Brandreth and his dictionary chum to skim down our squad list with that fancy camera pen to verify Teemu Tainio.

It’s going to be a tough season again but I’ve seen enough in our pre-season friendlies to give me glimmers of optimism about staying in TNL. Our previous tormentor Diouf has shown flashes of guile and class (and dare I say aggression) that we so badly lacked last season. It should be novel seeing someone playing for us who can mix it up and rile opposition supporters.  The 3 for 2 Spurs’ boys should give us stability and skill from their experience of playing in The Higher Levels.  Securing a striker before opening day is essential – our friendly at Forest highlighted the problem that against an organised defence we have too many backs on goal and no-one who can pull the trigger.

Talking of which, Liverpool’s new marksman Robbie Keane should line up against us in our opening fixture at The SoL. I’ve already had nightfears about him and Torres hurtling goalwards like puppies on lino towards a bowl of Winalot . Hopefully our Nuggsy will have ‘em in his pocket. Or Rafa might leave them on the bench…