black cats blog Must Try Harder

Posted: September 26th 2008
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If the spam filter on my pc could talk as it sorted my emails, it would sound like the character in the infamous Monty Python sketch as it hurls the endless offers of viagra, Rolex watches and promises of a bigger penis (though exactly whose I have no idea) into the ignore folder.  I’m seriously considering marking my post-match emails from Roy Keane as spam after the hissy fit he sent me after our mess of a performance against Northampton Town in the Carling Cup. Until today, I’d get a little of frisson of excitement when Roy’s sage words hit the inbox, his image staring moodily out of my screen with a certain “come hither” look thanking me for my loyal support. I thought we had a relationship. This morning’s message might have well read “I will eat you, your children and your children’s children”.

Gripped by fear I felt like mailing back – “It weren’t me sir, I wasn’t there”. God knows how he made last night’s team feel; by all accounts they weren’t there either. A friend commented that after winging it against a spirited Forest side and The Cobblers we’d probably go on and win the competition. Can’t see it myself…

I was fortunate enough to miss another bad day at The SoL against City, aka The Second Coming of Shaun Wright-Phillips. Bleary eyed I’d got off an overnight ferry from France on the morning of the game. I grabbed the Sunday ‘papers – thumbing wildly through the footy pages to catch up with two weeks’ of transfers. As soon as I saw SWP was back where he belonged and was turning out against us that afternoon I knew we were toast. It was perhaps the last old skool “in the script” City moment; the day before Burberry and flat caps were swapped for tea towels on heads.

Whilst on holiday, our own transfer story reached me that we’d signed Djibril Cisse on loan from Marseille. A swift foray to the local tabac to pick up a copy France-Football confirmed his cosmopolitan move (Sunderland is getting a Starbucks–FACT).

Inspired by the news that he’d come along to join Diouf to pimp my club I set out shopping. I love France for many reasons, one being that you can buy mad stuff relating to football. In previous years I have returned with World Cup sugar lumps, sticking plasters with the French national players on, a Zinedine Zidane bic lighter and some soap with Thierry Henry’s picture where you’d normally have that Imperial Leather paper stump thingy.

Despite my best efforts I couldn’t find anything with Cisse’s image on it although bizarrely I came across some yoghurts (sorry, fromage frais) with pictures of the 2008 squad on the pots. Raymond Domenech’s mugshot peering from a tub of raspberry had me scouring for the sell-by date. Alas I had to content myself looking for Djibril’s distinctive visage or tatoos on a croissant. There have been rumours in Sunderland that the likeness of Andy Reid has been spotted on several Greggs’ pasties (or maybe I heard it wrong and it was with pasties… )

My first real-life Cisse experience was at our game against The Smogs last weekend. 1245 kick off – yuck. I was horribly hungover and the A1 was a nightmare – I made the ground with seconds to spare. Robbed of a lie-in and lard- eating opportunities I tried not to doze off during the first half. The embarrassingly quiet ground and dull 45 helped me catch up with some kip. Fuelled by as many boiled sweets that I could blag from nearby children at half time I perked up a bit as did the second half. I was feeling a bit sick but not as sick as Stewart Downing did as he blasted his penalty into the Wear. It then all went a bit mental. I’d like to be articulate in expressing my disappointment with Cisse and Diouf but I’ll leave it at they were a bit crap and were rightly subbed off. As for Bad Boys – Pah! Enter Michael Chopra!

Chopra’s off-field antics have pin pricked the front pages of the red tops and saturated the pages of The Shields Gazette (see, we are a Big Club). After allegedly being caught “romancing” a bridesmaid at his wagging reception, Chops then confronted his addiction issues with drink and gambling. Ultimately he spent some time in rehab having to also face the fact that he had once been a Mag. He scored twice during a frantic last half hour andI got home to find had Roy sent me a nice email about it all.
 
Villa away next followed by Arsenal at home. I’m expecting a post-Carling Cup backlash from O’Neill’s team and we’ll be in a spot of bother should Wenger field any of those kids who gave a midweek masterclass in how to make your mark in a cup tie.  A point from those two fixtures would be a blessing.