celeb XIs stockport county thanks to richard pellat

1. Tony “Silverback” O’Shea – professional darts stalwart who would be found lurking Molbyesque in the centre circle, resplendent in XXXL shiny blue retro shirt arrowing looping balls into the box.

2. Darryl “The Dazzler” Fitton – always a darts bridesmaid to O’Shea, former undertaker Fitton would scurry around the midfield sporting his trademark Ray Bans, worn Edgar Davids style.

3. John Ekwugha Amaechi – Orlando Magic and Utah Jazz star, at 6’ 10” makes Crouch look like a midget and would have to play upfront, emulating County’s real-life 6’ 10” legend, Kevin Francis. Alternatively, he could hold a torch and be a floodlight.

4. Fred Perry – although dead, “King of the Court” would have been an energetic old-school defender immaculately turned out…..

5. Sir Norman Foster – the Gherkin and Wembley Stadium architect would play in goal, using his expertise to construct a glass curtain walling structure to both protect and visually enhance the amenity of the penalty area.

(currently a 5-a-side team…unless, as Esther used to say, you know better….)