We’ll probably never know the exact words that so incensed Zinedine Zidane towards the end of the 2006 World Cup Final, but we can safely assume that it wasn’t: “Hey, baldy. Shaddup you face.”
Since that flashpoint, ZZ, Player of the Tournament, three-time World Player of the Year and once European Player of the Year, has been unfairly vilified in some quarters. Though in my book, it’s stretching credulity to suggest that the World Cup was heading anywhere else but Italy.
We all know that penalty-specialist Trezeguet would have stepped up even if the great man had still been on the pitch and the way that the Azzurri stuck theirs away suggested that Lippi had been doing nothing but practice spot kicks with his charges since they overcame the hosts in the semi-final.
So having established that the result was unaffected by his actions, Zizou needs to sit down and take a really long, hard look at himself. Yes, his expulsion was a disgrace. But only because with a bit more care he could, and should, have embroidered the final with the single greatest sending off of all time.
Most of the elements were already there – the biggest stage of all, a jaw-droppingly inappropriate and unexpected assault, heightened drama because of the long pause before the card was produced and more than a suspicion that the murky hand of FIFA was involved from beyond the touchline.
What Zidane neglected to do was argue at length with officials, attack a random Italian and upend that tatty-looking FIFA World Cup plinth on his way to an early bath. ZZ! It was within touching distance for Chrissake! And the head-butt itself. Why go for the chest when with a bit more care, Materazzi’s nose could have been squished like a ripe tomato? Then we really would be talking immortality.
Now the phrase ‘marred by a sending-off’ is too oft-used in this great game of ours. It doesn’t make sense. You simply cannot mar a game in this way. Sending-offs always make games better. Always. They inspire pantomime baying, backs-to-the-wall heroism, hard-done by moaning, touchline histrionics and referee baiting. It’s a surprise that they haven’t been made obligatory, though I’m sure that the powers that be are on to it.
To put Zidane’s transgression into context (he is in with a bullet at number 2), here are Goalfood’s Top 10 sendings-off of all time:
1. Antonio Rattin
Not the name of a furniture store on the South Circular, but the Argentine immortal who was sent off 35 minutes into the rancorous 1966 World Cup Quarter Final against England.. Fussy German referee later quoted as saying he ‘did not like the look’ on the Argentine captain’s face. Rattin refused to leave for a full 11 – yes, that’s 11 – minutes. Eventually, police and other officials acted as persuaders. Wipes arse on cornerflag (Union Jack) as he trudges off. A good deal of subsequent England v Argentina enmity is attributed to this incident in the inaugural match, but a war over an island 300 miles from the Argentina coast can’t have helped.
2. ZZ
All-time great loses marbles and marks end of distinguished career with ‘where-did-that-come-from?’ Glasgow kiss.
3. Eric Cantona
Old Trafford’s God-like genius launches himself into terracing with two-footed lunge at fan following alleged racist taunt. United wheeler-dealers impose nine-month ban. Result. When quizzed later, Eric makes Dadaist statement: “When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown in to the sea.” Sacre Bleu.
4. Lee Bowyer and Kieron Dyer
Toon teammates rehearse for a night out in the Bigg Market. The normally urbane, sophisticated midfield duo show Souey how much it means to them with a gritty display of fisticuffs. As if being dismissed weren’t enough, the hapless pair are forced into making grovelling apology in hastily-arranged press conference. Both had their fingers crossed at the time.
5. Roy Keane
For sheer pre-meditated brutality, Keane’s challenge takes some beating. Gilds the dismissal by stooping over the prostrate Alf-Inge Haaland and screaming a still-unidentified obscenity that probably includes the word ‘feck’. Admits that he meant to do it in autobiography. Then says no he never. Make your mind up, Roy.
6. Kevin Keegan and Billy Bremner
70s icons go for each other in Charity Shield. Bremner tears off shirt. Keegan does same and wins Brut advertising contract. Event inspires soppy poem by John ‘Tosh’ Toshack.
7. Frank Rijkaard
Holland and Germany don’t like each other. At all. No surprise then, when flare-up takes place at 1990 World Cup match. Voller and Rijkaard were the guilty men. The latter scores direct hit with giant ball of gob on the former’s permed mullet. Class.
8. Angola v Portugal
We’re talking quantity not quality here. 2001 ‘friendly’ between Portugal and its former colony abandoned after 68 minutes, Angola having been reduced to six men after four dismissals and a stretchering off. Doubly cruel, as the feisty Africans felt that they were beginning to make inroads into the 5-1 deficit.
9. Josip Šimunić
World-class ref Graham Poll issues third yellow to frustrated, hand-waving Croat reducing them to 8. Might have severely dented Croatia’s chances of progress but they were, er, already out.
10. Kevin Pressman
Sheffield Wednesday stopper – the only player to share a nickname with the deputy prime minister – gets his marching orders just 13 seconds into a game against Wolves. A British record. First game of the season too
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